This past week I’ve taken a different kind of journey. An inner one rather than the one I’ve just returned from which included planes, trains and buses. For those of us who have traveled through different time zones, we realize that arriving back home can be a challenge. We physically landed home last week, but I didn’t feel like I had actually arrived until six days later. My body was here, my mind was experiencing some cultural readjusting and I felt as though a schism had been created in my whole being. I was just that little bit off.
What I noticed in that state was that anything that was challenging, hard, disappointing or generally negative, got really loud and anything that was easy, loving and wonderful, shrunk next to it. I was grumbling and I could feel like my heart space was closing down. I’m thankful for the many years of being in practice, recognizing more quickly that things were off-kilter. In the past, it would’ve taken a major breakdown to recognize things needed to be re-wired. Fortunately, I had planned on going to BhaktiFest, a yoga and music festival held in the nearby high desert of Joshua Tree. This festival has been happening for eight years now and I’ve not only been to BhaktiFest for most of those eight years but also have enjoyed ShaktiFest which is held in May.
As I settled into being at the festival an amazing thing started to happen. I began spending quality time with friends I hadn’t seen for a while. I participated in a couple of yoga sessions (and a hooping session!). I chanted the 40 verses of the Hanuman Chalisa early in the morning and listened to several kirtan artists throughout the day and into the late hours of the night. As I stepped into this community, things began taking on a more positive feel. I had an incredible experience at the end of a practice with Sean Johnson and the Wild Lotus Band during savasana. We had been in a storytelling based practice, laughing, breathing and moving. As we lay in stillness in our final relaxation pose, Sean and his bandmate, Gwendolyn, started to sing. As their voices moved through the stillness of the hall, my heart began to not only open but to grow bigger and bigger. I felt as though a part of me was remembering what it was like to be in love. It flowed through me and out of me.
This feeling amplified throughout the weekend feeling as though so many of the people I was hanging out with were holding up mirrors, reflecting love back to me. It felt like this two-way channel was being blown open. My insight was to hang out with people who light your fire. Those who hold you in a space of love and non-judgment. Those who truly look you in the eye as you are either laughing or crying. It was magical.
Another great moment happened when I was in one of the stalls in the women’s bathroom. I heard two women chatting and when I exited, I realized I knew one of the women. We hugged as we said hello and I said to her “I haven’t seen you” to which she replied, “I saw you, but you were hugging someone else!” That statement epitomized the lifting and shifting of my energy. It reminded me that when I feel out of balance that I have the tools and choice to shift back into balance. Being part of a loving and supportive community is one powerful way in which to do that. Over the weekend I was able to shift into a state of positivity. It wasn’t that things were wrong with the world, it was how I was perceiving things and needed to shift what was happening within me. As Gandhi has been famously quoted, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I know that the bah-humbug state wasn’t serving me or anyone I was coming into contact with and, thankfully, the residue of hanging out with uplifting people has been sticking with me all week.
My heart is filled with gratitude for those who knowingly or unknowingly nudged me back into balance. My heart is open once again.
