Does life ever feel as though you’re sitting on a giant swing? Flying through the air to hit a peak, rushing back toward the earth just to rise up into another peak? Does it ever feel like this giant swing represents all the emotional ups and downs we experience? If you have had these moments, then the fourth Brahma-vihara of equanimity might be of interest.
This past month I’ve been introducing the Buddhist heart-centered practices of loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna) and sympathetic joy (mudita), also known as the Brahma-viharas. The final one we’ve been talking about all week is equanimity (upekka) which basically means keeping one’s cool as things heat up, particularly under stress. It seemed like a good time to be introducing these practical tools as change, transition, and highly charged emotions are prevalent here in the United States. Instead of feeling as though we are helplessly strapped into the seat of the swing, it is through awareness and choice, that we realize that we can get off…particularly if the reason why we’re holding on no longer serves us.
Part of the swinging to and fro is staying attached to the smaller dramas that play out in our day-to-day happenings. We cling to the details and begin to lose sight of the bigger picture. We may find our nerves shot, our tempers flaring and our patience dwindling. By staying connected to the continual unfolding minutia of change, we begin to unravel our steadfast and healthy mental balance. So instead of feeling powerless, we have been given some tools to become empowered. The way to finding a cool head in times of uncertainty is when we are practicing loving-kindness (May I/You be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease); practice compassion (offering loving-kindness when we see suffering in ourselves and others); and to share in the joy of all that is good for other people. It is said that equanimity stems from the first three Brahma-viharas when we practice being kind, compassionate and joyful, equanimity becomes more available to us. People who are calm, cool and collected most likely aren’t simply born that way, they practice becoming that way.
Last Sunday we concluded our nine-day ASICS World Tennis Classic tournament. Over the past 12 years, I have spent countless hours “running” the tournament desk which means that at certain times, up to 60 people might be checking in for their match and waiting to be put out on a court. Needless to say, it can be hectic. And over these past 12 years, I’ve had a consistent comment which is “How do you stay so calm when all of this is happening?”. I usually just smile and think to myself-practice!
I undertook a practice of meditation seriously 10 plus years ago and haven’t skipped a day since I began. Want to be more calm, focused and centered in your life? Then you need to practice being calm, focused and centered. It doesn’t just magically happen that one day you wake up and are given the epiphany of quiet (well, at least it didn’t happen that way to me). I wanted to find a way to manage my (over) reactions to things that were stressful and meditation was the key. Not that I don’t still react or behave in ways that I refer to as my “un-evolved self” but I am able to recover more quickly than previously.
Equanimity is knowing that we have a choice of how to be in our daily lives. It’s having the insight, intention, and awareness in those moments when we’re riding that swinging pendulum and are then able to make a choice…keep holding on or ultimately let go. When we do let go, it doesn’t mean that the pendulum has stopped swinging; rather that we are able to take a deep breath and step away from it, especially if it no longer serves us and our higher good. We see the swing moving but we choose the middle path of equanimity instead.
To do this we need to become radically present with what is happening and the best way that I have found to do that is know the breath intimately. Nothing is more present than the current breath you are breathing. When we are yanked into a place that takes us away from being centered, we can pause, breathe deeply and let go. It sounds easy but for those of us who’ve tried it, we realize that we need to practice consistently in order to make it more accessible.
So my thought for the week is to honor where you are on your path. And if you’re taking the time to read this and contemplate whether or not you’re holding onto the pendulum and swinging to and fro, then you have taken an intentional step closer to finding a calmer sensibility in your being. Keep going. Keep making the time to practice so it becomes part of who you are, not simply something that you dream about.
You have the choice and the power to find a peaceful way. Know that you can’t control anybody but yourself…so go ahead, start by taking a deep breath and let go.
