The theme this week is not related to Halloween or about having the pants spooked off of us. It’s about taking the plunge toward doing something that scares us. I had two of those experiences this past week.
To begin with, I entered my very first photojournalism contest. I’ve been an avid photographer for the past 40 plus years and never have I entered any of my images, of which I’ve taken thousands, into a contest. The main reason for my hesitation is I am scared of being judged. The feelings of not being good enough, especially when compared to others runs deep, so much so, that I’ve avoided it until this time. And I was somewhat happy with my entry…it felt rushed and could have been better thought out, but that was my own fault for misreading the entry requirements, working on the entry from a different angle and having to hurry to put it in before the deadline. I almost didn’t. I almost, once again, thought “Well…it won’t win. All the others look like pros and why bother…?” But I did it anyway. I fell into the fear and thought it was a worthy hurdle to jump, so I did.
The second happened this past weekend as my small band, Jayne and The Om Boys, played a musical event (Kirtan) to mark the Autumnal Equinox and raise money for a local charity. I play harmonium and sing the lead (call) part of the music, to which everyone else sings back (the response). So I’m sitting in front of everyone and singing in public. Another moment to be completely terrified of being judged as not good enough. Thankfully, I’m supported by amazing musicians and have now been doing this for a few years so the fear is less, largely because I sense the benefit in the practice and the charitable nature is much stronger than the fear. I remember the very first time I was asked to sing mantra on my harmonium at a friend’s house where she was having a meditation event. My hand was shaking as I placed it on the keyboard. I silently wondered how I would ever be able to play, but a few deep breaths and closing my eyes got me through it.
This week is about finding something that scares us (that we choose) and coming to meet it face-to-face. Solo travel? Going to the movies or out to dinner by yourself? Asking for a raise or promotion? For me, it’s even deeper than just sharing photos or singing. It’s about healing some of my soul story, the karma that I’ve carried into this lifetime and is based around my throat chakra…the place of expression and creativity. Whether you’re into bringing stuff from past lives into the current one or not, I’ve felt that my throat has been tied up for years. I used to get laryngitis at least a couple of times each year, went through speech therapy to correct the issue and learned for the first time, that I didn’t know how to use my voice. Apparently, I was shut down and unable to express myself previously as well as not being given credit for creating certain things. So I guess I’m making up for it in this lifetime…singing, chanting, public speaking, teaching, photography, choreography, and writing are all connected to the energy of my throat.
I am trying to learn to trust this part of who I am as being whole and worthy…and that’s what makes it so terrifying. The healing of past wounds can be quite uncomfortable, yet within the fear awaits magnificent potential for positive change and evolution. So try this practice on for a week and notice what scares you into almost not doing something and then see if you can look below it…why does it feel that way? I bet that once we take a good look at feeling vulnerable, we can sense that our drive to overcome it is greater than the fear itself.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s okay to be scared!
