We’re surrounded by it. It’s everywhere we turn. Is there an escape or are we bound to suffer? The “it” are situations that make us feel really uncomfortable. You know, the one where your skin crawls or you just feel like turning around and fleeing as quickly as you can. As humans, we are programmed to turn away from things we don’t like and turn toward things that bring us pleasure. Aversion and attraction, it’s part of the dance. But what about the uncomfortable things in life that we can’t avoid such as going to the dentist, a difficult family member or hearing political news that is on the “other side” of where we stand? How do we find a sense of ease when these are part of our everyday experiences?
As a kid, I would walk right up to the edges of high vistas and would climb up on signs, stumps and anything else that gave me a better view. I was drawn to standing at the precipice, pulled forward by curiosity. At the same time, I would feel my Mom’s finger looping itself into my waistband. She was definitely uncomfortable and, to this day, never seems to have any level of comfort in my daring explorations. However, she did come to trust my own judgment of what I was capable of doing and eventually surrendered to something she had little control over. She found a way to be at ease with exploits that definitely made her uncomfortable.
Although my Mom isn’t a yogi, a beautiful part of our yoga practice is learning how to stay calm amidst discomfort. We experience this as our quadriceps are on fire during a Warrior pose that seems to last longer than that dental appointment. “When will it end?” our inner voice is screaming! “I don’t know if I can take it any longer”. And then we are guided to our breath and it’s as though we find a deeper will. We begin to learn to stay with something that challenges us.
We are beings programmed to move away from pain and toward pleasure. When something we don’t like presents itself, we have a couple of options—turn away and avoid, or turn toward and face it. I was recently asked, “why is it important to learn to stay with discomfort?”. Good question. My answer is so we may keep our own personal selves evolving. Imagine that every time something uncomfortable (like confrontation) arises, you shut down. You hold your words. You avoid speaking your truth. Imagine this happening repeatedly throughout your life. At what point are you able to stand up for yourself? At what point can you face what challenges you and bravely not hide, but stand in the deeper place of your inner self?
We begin with baby steps. We start with the obvious such as holding a yoga pose when all we want to do is stop. It has been said that our real yoga (union) begins the moment we want to bolt. We learn how to navigate the discomfort and, over time, the same thing is no longer as painful or bothersome as it previously was. We more easily stay present with what is. It allows us to fully inhabit each and every moment of our lives, no matter what is facing us. Pain, pleasure, neutrality. It no longer ignites the old triggers that make us want to run and hide. It opens our hearts more fully to life.
So the next time you’re faced with something unpleasant, see if you can become the witness to the present moment by finding your breath. Practice finding just one breath, just this one, right here, right now. See if you can notice that buffer of space that separates you from the issue. Instead of reacting in a manner of a habit, notice that THIS is the opportunity for growth.
